We all know that lack of communication is at the root of all problems, including wars. Not listening thoroughly leads to all kinds of problems.
And one of the most efficient ways to achieve communication is LISTENING.
However, this is one of the most difficult actions a human being can undertake. It is the norm that humans like to be heard, like to tell their own stories, and unfortunately, most of the time, feel that their point of view is worth imposing on others, often without even noticing…
If you would like to have excellent relationships with your beloved ones, with your co-workers, with the people around you, and live a healthy, harmonic, holistic life, then practice the art of LISTENING.
What is listening, and how can one know if one is listening?
Is keeping silence allowing the other party to talk what listening is all about?
There are two metrics that can help you realize if you are listening or not:
You are definitely NOT listening if you:
-Feel eager to give advise
-Feel prompted to judge as right or wrong
The secret is to understand how important it is to “take off your shoes” and “put the shoes of the other party on.” In other words, to “stop being yourself” in order to “see life from the perspective of the new shoes you are wearing”.
This is, by no means, and easy task! We are so used to giving advise “because of true love”… but the truth is that it is very hard to give any advise, because each head has a perspective of its own!
People act according to their feelings. FEELINGS, accompanied with thoughts, create our reality. So, it is very important to understand what the other person is FEELING, without judging. Simply understanding their feelings, by LISTENING with full presence.
It is not the same thing to say: “You are an egoistical, cold person” than to say: “I feel that you are an egoistical, cold person.”
While guiding your child, saying: “You are a very kind kid, however taking away your sister’s notebook by force is not a kind action!” will definitely have a different effect than if you say: “You are so unkind, why did you take your sister’s notebook by force?”
So, when you want to get to the core of a problem or a challenging situation, listen while KNOWING that the person you are speaking to always has good intention; however, logically, we all have a mind of our own…and it is perfectly all right if it is completely different to yours…
Feel how there is no right nor wrong, there is only DIFFERENT. All of us have the divine RIGHT to think the way we do… so let us listen to each other and learn!
No “you should”…
Yes to acknowledging the other party’s feelings… no need to agree or not agree… simply ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings of anger, desperation, frustration, disappointment, happiness, confusion…whatever… accept the fact that what causes you fear can cause inspiration to someone else…
Just learn from each others perspective, and have fun growing together while truly LISTENING.
What did you say? I’m all ears! And heart…