You should? Better listen!

15 July, 2017 by Leave a Comment
Hello from Croatia!

 

Welcome to today’s Happy Life Language session with the Virus You should and the Antidote Listen!

 

It is a delight for me to greet you from a country that has surprised me intensely … wowww …

 

I’m here in a week of joy, where 60 of us join during the Yacht Week


 



Here are some images from Croatia of this Earthly Paradise ….

 

Croacia en Yate, Paraíso terrenal

Croatia in Yacht, Earth paradise

 

Al son de  WHAT A PINCHE VIDON!! at dawn, inspired and grateful, I have the pleasure of continuing what we started on May 8: The Language of a  Happy Life, with the virus must and its antidote listen.

 

Preparing your space

 

This is a quote with yourself. And there’s nothing more important than communicating with yourself to walk your way every morning… declaring how beautiful life is.

 

Just having a conversation with you mism@ you will be able to focus in a natural and healthy way, breathing quietly, without craving, living here and in the now.

 

If you’re not ready/ready to declare the beauty of life, at least give yourself a chance to enjoy ” how beautiful  what these 15 minutes are in your own company.

 

Respirademente … you feel your lungs expand … thank you  …

 

Once again, take a deep breath … thanking your lungs as you visualize them exhaling carbon dioxide for plants to take and produce the precious oxygen that keeps us alive…

 

Now, with a smile on your face, keep breathing normally, feeling the great peace you live in the here and now it gives you.

 

Keep breathing like this until you feel the awareness of the moment… the importance of talking to yourself so calmly … no trials, no criticism … only being …

 

Now I’m smiling with you no matter that we’re miles away…

 

The magic of Being One unites us, despite any logic…

 

If you prefer, put a nice background music and light some candles. Create a special atmosphere for that date with yourself.

 

Are you smiling?

 

Ok, so let’s start.

 

 

The Virus You Should

 

As mentioned in my last blogs, I grew up not understanding that my parents were being so strict with me because that was the way they thought I was going to become a strong, self-sufficient and beneficial member of society.

 

This feeling of authority without asking for my opinion was slowly sending me to be The Poor Ugly Doll hidden in the corners afraid that someone would see her…

 

How many of you have heard or said the fatal statement:

 

You should know!

 

I’d like to ask you to please close your eyes and command you out loud: DEBERIAS!

 

Feel what feeling these words cause in your being …

 

Again, just breathe and consciously say it once more. How do you feel? Do you recognize any of the following statements?
  • A sense of frustration
  • A feeling of humiliation
  • Confusion
  • Doubt of self-esteem
  • A feeling of being trapped
  • A feeling of non-well-being
  • A feeling of being attacked
  • An inability to communicate with the person using the “should”

 

Can you feel how this word can actually disable you, if you allow taking the ccosas to staff?

 

My mom used this phrase so many times, every time she made me feel like it wasn’t necessary. It made me feel (unintentionally, now) silly, frustrated, a good for nothing. I was constantly wondering why I couldn’t understand what my mom wanted from me … was I really so incompetent? Was he really that unsy intelligent? So much less than everyone else?

 

And the answer came daily, always more convinced by telling myself:

 

 

 

Y slow but surely, that became also my mantra. The worst thing is that I told myself every time I could … until he became a part of me … Unconditionally…

 

 

What is the damage caused by this virus?

 

By feeling the feelings mentioned above, and knowing that a feeling attached to an idea creates that reality, the damage caused by this virus can be irreversible:

  • Inability to communicate from the heart
  • The eternal sense of need to be on the defensive
  • Break own self-esteem
  • Adopt the habit of imposing one’s own thoughts on others
  • Living in a state of fear, afraid of being vulnerable, therefore intimidated

 

During my childhood very often my parents would turn to me using this virus. Now I understand that they only expected me to understand what they meant a the first command broadcast.

 

But  what they didn’t know was that I didn’t understand … I had just obeyed what felt they wanted to say, going into a state  of anxiety …

 

The worst thing was that as much as I didn’t like the way this made me feel,  little by little I was slowly getting that habit of attacking myself and others!

 

Virus You Should,  responsible of breaks that may be irrversibles

 

This word is so widely used that no one recognizes the “virus” in it.

 



Deberías! La mejor manera de crear un muro de incomunicación

Should! The best way to create an incommunicado wall

 

In this illustration we see the leader impose his ideas without taking into account the suggestions of his colleagues creating a state of anxiety and disrgusto that  will not lead the group to be productive to the fullest. Perhaps there is even anyone who has a health problem due to nervous tension, inability to sleep, overwhelmed by so many worries.

 

It’s creepy … unconsciously build a wall between others and you … creating that wall so thick that it no longer allows you to hear what others are saying… and the reason you can’t hear them is:

 

  If you are contaminated by this virus using this word:
  • Unconsciously you will impose your thoughts on others
  • Allow arrogance to be a constant visitor in your life
  • You’ll be less and less kind and compassionate,
  • You’ll create a wall between your Yo and your yo … the most dangerous disease of all …
  • You’ll be upset, judging, criticizing in a day of self-search… perdid@ in Solitude

 

Si a user infected te  intimidate unconsciously  and allow you to bother by taking it to staff:
  • You can close to communication and impose your ideas, entering a defensive state with no exit
  • You can drop into submission by doing things to please others looking for validation
  • You will betray yourself to do something you don’t want to do feeling an unpleasant repression
  • You may feel like you’re suffocating, creating health problems

 

No You should de Sorber!

 

Many years ago, when I was 21 years old, finally feeling at the height of my life, I chose to go to Japan and study the language and customs of that wonderful culture.

 

I could not have chosen a country more different from our habits and customs than Japan… literally I found them to be very polite and delicate  aliens, no offense!

 

My intention in Japan was to learn the language by living with a local family and working to sustain my studies. In my next book “My Dreams Are Not Negotiable” I explain how I was able to miraculously fund this dream come true and how I ended up working for a Japanese company staying in a private villa in central Tokyo! My  ” Mom” was a teacher of all kinds of Japanese arts and my “daddy” a shacho, or president of a company.. A story I love to tell.

 

So I decided to go to Japan and learn that language, my sixth by then. I talk about how I got the funding of the source, the flow in my book “My dreams are not negotiable“

 

One night, at the beginning of my stay, I went to a restaurant where they sold alone soba (Japanese noodles). I was really looking forward to the delight of those light noodles that I love so much … When… I started to hear noises that according to my Mexican education are absolutely “unacceptable” to a well-educated person.

 

ALL WORLD IN THE RESTAURANT I WAS SIPING ALMOST TO ONEISONOO …

 

In total shock, I couldn’t believe my ears. With a raisin face, showing my total disgust, I said to myself: “Wowwww … them should know that this is totally unacceptable! That they have no education?”

 

Aghhh …

 

 

The Antidote Listen

 

 Suddenly I realized how I was wanting compose these wonderful people!

I was judging them, criticizing them, because they didn’t do what for me was correct…

 

Yes, I was imposing my culture on them!
As time went on, I began to understand… my deep admiration for the values of this marvelous people made compassion engulf me and I heard myself say to myself:
“Well Gloria, you’re now in Japan. Maybe in Mexico this isn’t acceptable. However, here in Japan, this is part of their culture, so you’re going to have to sip your too, like them!”

 

Here I would like to add an excerpt from my book “Spiritual Orgasms, Vivid encounters in the Now“ illustrating how to listen  instead of impose using the word should makes your life flow in peace and harmony, allowing you to be inspired by all those around you.

 

 

 

 Is that okay? Is it wrong?

At the age of thirty-six in Tokyo I landed,
Desiring your language to learn
Realizing that there was much more than the study language,
His extremely different mindset was what he would have to understand.

 

Minimum staying for one year was my intention

Living in a family in Japan,

Learning from your habits and customs such as viewing

With its oriental eyes and wisdom understand.

 

The Japanese language for me is not easy to master
Since it is absolutely different from Western languages,
But the real obstacle lies neither in its grammar nor in its phonetics,

But to be able to discern what is right or wrong.

 

When you enter a restorán that sells only soba

Where these noodles are sold exclusively in soup,

You’ll hear only a great Sip at full volume

Since everyone in uni zion sip by absorbing their soup

 

O when you pass the threshold of a door

Waiting for the man who walks with you to stop her,

You’ll be totally amazed
Seeing that the door closes on your face.

 

O when my “Japanese mother” cheerfully irons the shirt
From my “Japanese father” enlisting to visit the bar with your customers,

And even knowing that in the bar he will meet other girls

What your face denotes is a quiet smile!.

 

O when the Japanese label dictates
That a woman when a liquid drinks discreetly,

With both hands the glass should hold

Noisily sipping the contained beverage.

 

 

Japan. Just writing this word gives me a great feeling of peace, integrity and spirituality.

I was twenty-one when I arrived in Japan with the intention of studying my sixth language. I could never have known, that I was about to acquire one of the most powerful weapons I could ever have imagined: living in a country, in which culture was intensely contrasting to mine. A culture that put me on the verge of one of the most important questions one may ask:

 

“Is it right or is it wrong?”
During the first twenty-one years of my life, I had been taught that an educated person does not sip when he eats or drinks; that when drinking you should take the glass or glass with one hand, and that women are given their way as they pass through a door; that a wife should not allow her husband to flirt with other women let alone have an intimate relationship… etc., etc., etc…

 

As the days went by, my subconscious began to rebel against so much “aberration”, putting me in a situation where I felt bad; something practically unknown to me.

 

Until one night, I burst into tears throughout the night, waking up someone else:

 

I had understood that I was not in my Mexico that I had seen myself grow, but in a very distant place, on the other side of the world, where customs and uses were really opposite to mine.

 

As if by magic, at dawn, I saw the world clearly, and my heart felt free as the wind again: I am not well or wrong, it is simply a different point of view.

 

I’ve learned now that if a situation makes me feel in a contraction, it’s a sign that I have to change my direction. And if I feel in an expanding state, it’s a sign that I’m on track.

 

I learned that I would feel expanding if I was feeling feelings such as love, compassion, tolerance, joy, interest, curiosity, creativity, generosity, etc.; on the other hand, I would feel in a state of contraction if I allowed feelings such as anger, guilt, destructive criticism, always wanting to be right, intolerance, fear, etc.

 

I learned to enjoy life without judgment; neither blame nor regret. Simply knowing that everything is as it should be at all times and everywhere.

Thank you my dearest Japan…

Doumo arigatou gozaimashlta (thank you in Japanese)

 

 

No more You should for me…

 

After the above experience, I learned a very important lesson: it is I who creates conflict with others when I decide to do so, assuming that they must understand what is in my mind. When you use this virus with others, you’re simply opening a door to conflict. And when the person involved doesn’t play your game and reacts using the same virus, you can easily fall into the classic:

 

“I can’t believe he/she did that… he/she should know that this is not acceptable!!”

 

I can honestly understand all the wasted energy that results from expecting something from someone … the real pain this can cause both parties can be avoided if we only listen.

 

Like the virus deberias can cause divorce, y  the antidote listen can maintain lasting and powerful relationships

 

As for me, I married a wonderful man from a completely different culture. Being Mexican, I swam in Christian waters during my little girl. Born to very open parents, I am trained to live socially with men and women without differences, celebrating deep values family.

 

My spouse Ibrahim is Saudi, 18 years older than me, born in Medinah … a holy city. When I met him he lived (and still lives) in Saudi Arabia, married to three adorable children.

 

I explain more details in my book “Spiritual Orgasms, vivid encounters in the Now” mentioned above.

 

Non-contamination of the virus You should on both sides has created a true unbreakable loop. And this has definitely been achieved because we always listen… no waiting  nothing from each other.

 

It’s an indescribable feeling, after 36 years of “From Here I am!“

 

 

How to stay away from using Should

 

  • Relax and watch
  • If you feel attacked, breathe three times before expressing any thoughts
  • Watch your body language and learn
  • Note if you are wanting to compose or judge the person… breathe and don’t do it
  • If you hear yourself say, “How is it possible that you did this?” change it to: I would love to know that it made you act that way (in this case you are simply and without judging wanting to know what’s wrong with you
  • Smile and have fun learning from other points of view
  • Feel like there’s no bad or good, just different, knowing that we all have a different right to think

 

Now you are listening to your way to the Natural Flow of Life …

 

Congratulations.

 

What action will you be taking?

 

Will you choose to accept yourself as you are, allowing the brain to help you by producing endorphins, of the hormone of happiness based your thoughts on gratitude, appreciation and kindness or otherwise?

 

After all this is the shortest shortcut to a smooth and lasting relationship first with yourself, and then with the others…

 

What do you choose?

 

It’s your decision.

 

 

See you on July 30, with the Virus I have to and su  I chose antdote.

 


Happy thoughts, happy life!

Filed Under: Blog Posts, Droplets of Happiness, Workshop: The Language of a Happy Life Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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